Feelings after Roka

Dear myself, I am sorry I am sorry because even when you didn't want to smile, i made to fake a laugh just so that people dont need to care for me. I am sorry because whenever you wanted some time to heal, I self doubted and hurt you more. I am sorry that you tried to stay strong even in the worst days. I am sorry that you healed others even when you were not okay. I am sorry for loving you less that what you deserved. I am sorry that you gave all your time and effort to others who never cared about you You are very strong, really strong. You smiled even when your heart cried. I promise i wont dissapoint you and i will never let anyone hurt you again

It is 2 am and I cannot help overthink every decision I have made in the last few days. I can’t help but ask myself, ‘when is this going to be okay?’ Or ‘does it get better?’ And in between these moments, I cannot keep my sanity intact. I wonder if it is just overthinking or is this my gut feeling telling me something? On somedays, it feels like both, but today it is all clouded by anxiety and there’s nothing but worry. Where do I go from here? Where does all this go from here? Do I find myself again or should I try harder? It is 2 am and I am trying really hard already, so tell me when does this all get better?